Author name: M Pax

So much went on in this movie and it didn’t all seem to belong in the same movie. It begins in the basement of a drug gang and they’re putting drugs in coffins. Oh, wait no, there’s a scene before that, but it doesn’t matter. We’ll start in the basement. A bunch of beings stand around like with their arms sticking straight out.

They start to wake up and attack the bumbling drug stockboys.  Because!! The drugs are not drugs, it’s rice powder, which pisses off the vampires. Fighting ensues involving bottle rockets shooting out of the vampires’ arms, bunny hopping – yes, the vampires bunny hop, which cracked me up every time – and some martial arts.

Never fear! The wizard saves the day by sticking bits of paper on the vampires’ heads. He controls the vampires with a sword, theatric arm gestures, and bits of paper. The vampires work with the drug gang.

Cue a subplot – the ghost and the vampire. This vampire looked like an ape.

His true love is a ghost. Husband Unit said her see-through top was the only plus in the whole movie. Later she goes completely topless. Ooo! Anyway, she makes a deal to work with the wizard to be with her vampire love again. The deal doesn’t last long and I have no idea why. If you want this movie to make sense, you’ll miss out on all the fun. The ghost and vampire have sex in a ghost/vampire way. I guess that’s what it was. All the same, it made me laugh.

Another drug gang is in the movie. I wasn’t sure how they fit in exactly. Don’t think too hard about it, though. You’ll just wind up with a headache. Anyway, the bad guys capture some drug agents. One gets killed and is turned into Robocop. Another dude is hired to rescue the captured drug agents.

I know this sounds disconnected, but so was the movie. The Robocop really had nothing to do with the rest of the plot. I think the plot was about Tommy rescuing the captured drug agents, but I can’t be certain.

To sum up: I was uber entertained by the bunny hopping vampires shooting fireworks out of their arms. Boobs were the only redeeming highlight in husband unit’s opinion. He said this movie required four beers. I said three. So we settle out at 3.5.

If you’re so inclined, you can watch it for free on YouTube: